10:11am...
I woke up about an hour ago and have been staring at the ceiling for a while...
craving. Missing the white powder I used to wake up to then sink back into bed
with. ugh, it's driving me fucking crazy right now. I am trying so fucking hard
not to order any, I know if I do, my girl and family will be so fucking pissed,
shit will go down. I didn't take any subs yesterday, and I don't plan on taking
any today, the physical symptoms are basically gone but the psychological
cravings are incredibly intense and If this is how I'm going to feel all day, I
might take 1mg or 2... I'm actually trying not to take 8mg just to get the
slight blanket feeling, and I'm trying so fuckin hard not to go pick up some
dope or roxies too. This is the hardest craving day I think I have woken up to
since I stopped using....
Edit 1: 10:33.. ok, I realize I'm going to be
thinking about it all fucking day long and I need advice. I haven't taken sub
in over 24 hours, and my last dose was only 1 mg. so I'm good. Here's my
question... Should I take some suboxone, kratom, make some pst, or take some
tianeptine to make the cravings go away? There is a war in my head right now on
what to do or not do.
Edit 2: 11:11am Took some kratom, like a
heaping tablespoon, hopefully it stops the cravings, or at least subsides them
enough. I decided kratom because it usually gives me some energy too, and I
have to work at 3, possible 2nd dose before then depending on how I feel.
Edit 3: 1:53pm, the 2 big tablespoons of
kratom took my cravings away and even gave me a little buzz. I am feeling much
better and more confident than before about not copping for sure. Thanks for
the advice and support guys, really. You all have helped so much on this journey.
I work at 3 in a position in the restaurant I have never worked before so we'll
see how that goes, but I'm not too worried about it. Thanks again, I'll update
later tonight when I get home
Edit 4: 11:22pm. I got off work around 8... got home and relaxed,
listening to music and shit feeling pretty good. I took like 300-400mg of
tianeptine to see if I could feel it now that my tolerance is the lowest it's
been in a year, but I still didn't feel anything.. or.. much at all. I'll just
stick to kratom if I have cravings tomorrow (I'm sure I will), and keep going
as long as I can. Getting off fent analogs has been a real trip, and you guys
have made it so much better/easier/fun, all the support, the messages, the
advice, words of encouragement, everything. I love this sub and the people in
it. I am officially done with fent analogs, I am 99% sure about that. I don't
see a circumstance where I would order more.. it's not worth it. I just wanted
to say thank you to everybody who helped me get through this first week. I know
there is a long road ahead of me, but I won't bore you guys with a day to day
update anymore. I feel like I just wanted you all to help me through the first
week. Tapered off the fent, to dope, tapered off the dope to subs, and tapered
off the subs, all in a week. (I had been tapering the fent analogs for about 2
weeks though beforehand because my tolerance was insane). But again, I just
wanted to thank everybody who followed this week long journey and gave me
support. I'll be around and posting of course, and anybody feel free to shoot
me a message if you need some help or wanna talk, or whatever. Thanks
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